I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
