You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
