The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
