if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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