I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
