i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
