Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
