I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
