I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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