It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
