My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
