I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
