omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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