I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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