Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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