I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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