You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she pinky promised me she was 18
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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