I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
