38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
