Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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