You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
