did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
