Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
