dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
