apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
