What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In other news, I just burned my penis
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
