it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
