yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
