I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
