i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
