Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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