Your tits are I can't wait for
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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