Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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