Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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