Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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