At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
