So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
