I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
