put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
