Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
