Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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