I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
