it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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