i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
