I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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