i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
