If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
