took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
