Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
