just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have post one night stand depression
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