we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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